Just Gotta Go There...

Oh friends...I know I have been gone for a bit and I hate to come back with a post like this but I just gotta get this out before my blood pressure causes my brain to explode!!

First off we are all doing well here, just been busy with the kids' activities and all of my *other* obligations! DD has a rodeo this weekend and we are praying for fair weather! Last week there was so much snow on the ground that there was no practice time! So this week we are hitting it hard getting ready for the weekend and of course today it spat ice on us so we are in a bit of a freeze right now with snow coming over night... BOO!!! We were lucky to get the practice done RIGHT before the icy rain started! I just cannot wait for Spring to get here! I just need a pick me up and this Winter weather is doing nothing but kicking me down!

A few months ago I posted here about my dad's widow passing away. In that post I told you about my dad's passing 5 1/2 years ago and the troubles I had with his wife after he died and really truly the whole thing just broke me...I have not ever recovered from the blow of losing my dad at my young age of 27, I know lots of people have lost a parent much younger than I did and my heart breaks for them. I am so glad that I did have my 27 years to be with him but I miss him everyday and it is a constant heartache in my life. I have absolutely been difficult at times and massively depressed at times since losing him. I honestly haven't found much to comfort me and the situation with his wife just made that pain burn even worse and I became a person that I don't even recognize sometimes. I want to be loving and fun and carefree but I seem to just get lost in all of this and feel like I'm grasping at straws just to function partly to mostly normal ;)

Some of the things that I haven't been able to get over were feeling like she had something to do with his death...I don't know why I feel that, well yes I do know partly why I feel that. The morning that he died October 14, 2005 I was traveling with my family to TX to visit my Hubby's niece as she was getting ready to undergo surgery to remove a tumor near her brain and we of course wanted to be with her. So here we are driving in the car and I get that dreadful call that will never leave my mind and we turn around to head back to KS, we were a few hours away and I had a cousin who went to the hospital for me and I was requesting an autopsy because my dad was 50 yrs old and it was a sudden death with no warning signs, to me I just needed that bit of closure to know exactly what caused his death. I told my stepmother that I wanted the autopsy and she did not allow it and had him *processed* and at the funeral home by the time I made it back to the city. I was SO very angry, so hurt because this was my dad and this was something I wanted. Then when it came time to sit down with the funeral director we had to write his obituary and this was very hard for me, especially when my stepmother started telling them what "she" wanted written and the way it came to be printed was all of her kids and grandkids listed then my brother and I and our kids after all of them... What the heck?! Literally I had to search the thing just to find my name! He was my dad, not theirs! Her kids did not always treat my dad right and they were alot of my dads frustration in his last few years (they were married about 9 years). So then within hours of his death they (the kids) were just prancing around my dads house like they owned it, laughing and carrying on having a grand old time while I literally sat on the couch just sobbing and wanting them to leave!! Literally one of my stepbrothers girlfriends said to my stepmother "well looks like now you can finally take down that deer head that you've hated for so long"!! She just laughed like it was the funniest thing she'd ever said...I was shocked and very hurt, he hadn't even been buried yet! I will never understand the frame of mind they were in to be so rude and careless to me and my family. Then came the *dividing* of my dads things, my brother and I got a few small personal things but left the rest of his things out of respect for his wife that she may have the time to grieve and hold those things to give her comfort or whatever they could do to help her through that time. Then came the time for things starting to disappear and not a word was said about any of it. Then after a couple of months came the moving in of my dads childhood best friend (who had through his adult years turned into a real piece of garbage), after he moved in my stepmother would say "I'm just helping him, he had no where to stay"...Soon after that they were a *couple* DISGUSTING!!!

After that happened we quit speaking and I tried, then my brother tried to get back dads things. Things like our family pictures, that deer head that disappeared off the wall, his tools etc...Needless to say everything that belonged to my dad was gone. They had gotten rid of, sold, or stole what was left of his things. I'd begged in letters for the things and got no response, I finally threatened to file a civil suit against her for the stuff and lo-and-behold she filed bankruptcy ASAP. Thus preventing me from filing a suit against her.

After she died her son had contacted me and said he wanted to do the right thing and "give my brother and I what was rightfully ours, the house". Well I figured out soon enough that the other siblings were not on board with this and I talked to an attorney and he told me that I had no *legal* right to anything since my dad died first...So I then decided I would not sink any money into the place and fix it to sell because they couldn't be trusted to not stab me in the back!

Recently I got a phone call from an attorney that the house was in foreclosure and they wanted my address to send me the paperwork...Well I was quite confused because if I had no *rights* to anything why do I have to be drug into a foreclosure! So this bank was opening the house up for any of us kids to come remove anything we wanted on this certain date. I basically decided it was not healthy for me to get involved with this because I was sure there would be conflict and I wouldn't be able to control my hurt and anger so luckily I had a meeting that day and couldn't go. I was contacted by my stepsister saying she had a few things for my brother and I, not sure what it could be as there wasn't anything left of dads that we had seen. Then I find out that this stepsister and her husband are taking things out of the house and selling it on craigslist. I felt upset about that but just let it roll until today, I got a phone call that threw me right back into the whole situation and wanting to scream at all of them.

My aunt is a real estate agent and she called me today and let me know that my dads house is up on the market for sell! I was furious! And so confused, because I thought it was being foreclosed on?! So I messaged my stepsister and she informed me that her and her husband put it on the market and they have until March sometime to sell it or the bank will take possession and she is going to "try and talk her siblings into sharing the profits with my brother and I"...WHAT?! Share?! MY dad paid for the house!!! Yes it has a mortgage now because they got a loan to pay off HER student loans!!! They have the house listed for $25,000 more than what is owed and I am just peeved!! If they get one penny off that house I'm not sure what I will do! It's bad enough to have watched them torment my dad, then deal with his witch of a wife and then watch them take all of dads things and now THEY get a profit off of his house and they *might* give us something UGHH!!!!!!!

I have been so angry all night, my blood pressure is up, I'm dizzy, my head hurts and I just feel like I'm on the edge of a breakdown here! I know hate is a strong word but I hate them! I did message my stepsister back (by the way she and one of her brothers are not biological kids to my stepmother, she raised them from her ex-husbands first marriage) and posed the question to her "do you and your siblings honestly feel entitled to this house because I am SO confused"?!

I would also like to clarify that this stepsister and her husband I believe were the only kids that really truly loved my dad and they did treat him with respect, she even quit speaking to her mom for some years because of what she did after my dad had died. So she is not the one I am angry at...

I have such a hard time with all of this because I very much live my life with the feeling of I would never do something to someone that I know would hurt me so bad if it was done to me and their utter disregard for what's right and wrong in this situation is killing me!

Please pray for me, that I find it in my heart to let go and let God do it all for me. And just to have peace restored in my heart and closure would be an amazing gift..

Always Cherish Those We Love...

I had such a great weekend and I couldn't wait to share it with you all! Unfortunately that great weekend is a bit of a memory now after today. Almost a year ago I posted about numerous sad things that were going on and in that post I mentioned my friend Dennie, at the time he had just been diagnosed with cancer but it was unknown what type and stage it was. Shortly after that post it was found that Dennie had a very aggressive cancer that started in his pancreas and had metastasized to his liver. It was a very odd cancer in origin as it wasn't an actual "pancreatic cancer" it had actually died off in the pancreas and had been spreading for many years the Dr's said. It was likely to have been there close to a decade before it moved into the liver and took on a life of it's own.

I should tell you here that this is not the same friend I told you about here, that is a different friend who is currently fighting his terrible battle with cancer...

Let me tell you about Dennie, he was 40 when he was diagnosed and was the husband of my lifelong best friend Shanna. I was the Matron of Honor in their wedding. He was a great Christian man who dedicated his life to God's calling, was he perfect? NO! He fought trials just like us all. Dennie was actually a very good friend of my other life long best friend Trisha and they had met through church. He had a daughter (whom he pretty much raised) and my friend had 2 daughters so they spent alot of time together with their girls. Dennie had a best friend named Mark and he helped get Mark and Trish together who have now been married for 7 years I think. After that they always felt so bad for Dennie because he was single and would make an awesome husband! That's where Shanna comes in, they introduced the two and they pretty much hit it off from the start. They were married within a year, Shanna had 3 kids from her previous marriage and Dennie had the 1 daughter. Then after being married for a year or so they got pregnant and had a son of their own.

Such a handsome man!

Dennie and Shanna shared a somewhat hard life together. Even though they were both awesome people who loved each other dearly they had problems they couldn't get past. After about 5 years of marriage they ended up separated which was around the time that Dennie was diagnosed. Their divorce was actually finalized after he was getting fairly sick...In any case Dennie had a great support system and first tried chemo but then after the Dr's decided that the cancer was not responding to the treatment they gave him an option, they told him that he could have surgery to remove half of his liver and with that scenario he had a 50% chance of dying on the table and there was no promises that it would work. He chose not to do the surgery and decided to try a natural healing clinic in Colorado. I am not sure what the clinic did for him, but I do know that they teach you about taking care of your body and trying to kick start your body to fight the cancer itself. Unfortunately this did not work, so Dennie was then left without any options.

Dennie with his little sidekick ;)

He fought this battle for almost a year, the cancer ravaged his body. He no longer looked like a man in his late 30's, he looked like a very sick man in his 60's. He spent months in so much pain from the cancer spreading and growing massively in his body. So big that he could point to the area that was forming under his skin. His quality of life was not something good it was terrible, the last few months of his life he couldn't even stay awake longer than a few hours a day and needed constant care to do even the simplest of things...I bring this up because there is so much confusion among some people where they think that only chemo treated patients will lose all ability to do anything and lose precious quality life time. It is simply not true...Not that ALL cancer patients will go through what Dennie did, but patients with cancers of that nature will.

Dennie sharing his last Father's Day with his kiddo's

I am so saddened to share that Dennie passed away early Sunday morning with friends and family all around him. They knew he was getting ready to leave them as his system started shutting down Saturday, however they did not expect it to be so quick. Dennie left behind 2 children, 1 daughter who is the same age as my DD of 11, and 1 son who is 3 1/2...He also left 3 children who still considered him their stepdad and my other friends 2 girls that considered him as an uncle. He will be missed deeply but he will never be forgotten.

A smile that will never be forgotten...

So my message today is simply this, treasure those you love and never take a single moment for granted. I think we are all guilty of it, I know I sure am!

Then to just top everything off this Sunday afternoon J's 9 month old Australian Shepherd was struck by a truck and killed...Struck by a truck that was driven by a friend of his! She was never a dog to go in the road so we don't understand what she was doing out there! J's friend had passed our house a few minutes earlier and was not driving fast like people usually do down our dirt road and when he came back down the road he said she just flew out from beside the mailbox that sits on the other side of our road, I was very thankful that this young man at least came to our door and told the Hubby what happened, he felt extremely bad about it...She was a sweet little girl and incredibly loving! She also liked to bark...ALOT...J is very upset over this, I wish I could just take the pain away! What a crappy way to end a previously great weekend...

Chevy at 3 weeks old...I'm sure I have more current pics but I just love this one of her!

With a Sad, Heavy Heart and Tear FIlled Eyes...

I have had so many friends and loved ones fight different battles with cancer that I am just so sick of losing people to this nasty disease! I think the majority of us has all lost someone to cancer and how I wish that wasn't the case. A very close friend of my family's is fighting a terrible battle with Metastatic Melanoma. I used to work for a cancer center and it was a common thought among those highly educated with the different diseases that Metastatic Melanoma would be one of the worst cancer's to have.

Terry has worked with my mother for probably somewhere around 20 years and is such a superb man. I actually in recent years have secretly (well and not so secretly LOL) hoped he and my mom would date! He is just such a neat guy and pretty much one of the most amazing guys ever! So about a year ago he was diagnosed with Melanoma and he had removed it but for some reason his Dr didn't see it necessary to undergo any further treatment. I wasn't very happy with that answer but he trusted his Dr...Then about 4 months ago he called his Dr's office because he had a mass growing out of his shoulder, their response to him was "it would be best for everyone involved if he would just wait to see the Dr at your re-check appt that is coming up"...I was floored!! I mean seriously I cannot believe they would say something like that to a patient! So he obliged and when he was seen they sent him in for some further testing and was then diagnosed with the Metastatic disease. Terry was very optimistic and very adamant that he was beating this thing, it would not kill him. Then his knees started to hurt within a week of finding out and he was then sent in again and was found to have the metastasies in both knees. The Dr gave Terry the treatment options of going to a specialist hospital in TX or staying local and doing a chemo/radiation combo, when Terry asked him if he would benefit from going to the clinic the Dr told him no he would treat him the same here! WHAT?! NO YOU WON'T!!! I was SO upset, I talked with my mom at length about it and why he should go and she truly tried to convince him to do it but he "trusted his Dr". So he stayed and started the treatments and continued to have intense pain in both knees, at the wedding I shot back in May he was just a couple of weeks into diagnosis and he could barely walk!

This continued over the next few months, I cannot even tell you the number of times I have felt like his level of care was well below standard as far as the Dr's reactions and performance. The combination of chemo drugs that he was on was a standard treatment but there were a couple of other immunotherapy drugs that he should have been on to ward off any new cell growth and he was not put on it. He also needed blood transfusion due to low white counts and the Dr failed to order that as well. Terry continued to work even when he could barely walk, he was in so much pain that the meds weren't even touching it! Finally last week he was told that he needed to go on disability because they were needing to put him on a Morphine and Oxycontin mix to try and control the pain. Still he found no relief, so they ordered a CT scan to "investigate" the pain. Wednesday afternoon he was told they could no longer treat him and he needed to contact Hospice care...The cancer had spread from his knees up into his hips and had literally eaten through his hip bone to the point that it was nearly fractured. Let me just add here that Terry is 6'5 and built pretty solid so that was a huge blow! They also basically said the cancer has spread to multiple areas but didn't name anything specific. I was devastated when I received the call, this man that I want so badly to beat this disease is losing this battle at a rapid speed! I had held out hope and faith from the beginning that he would be spared and he would have a heck of a testimony to share. I wanted so badly for him to be okay, I don't know why but this saddens me to the point that it physically hurts! You all know my dad is no longer with me and somehow I guess I hoped he would fill that hole. Terry is SO great with my kiddo's, he loves to watch DD ride and thinks J is a super young man, so much of how my dad was.

I guess I started losing hope really about a month ago after I got a phone call from my mama saying she had a HUGE secret that I could not share with anyone!!! Big time, like I think she threatened my life LOL! But Terry told her she could share the news with me and ME only! He had been praying that if he was going to die from this battle with cancer that he win some money so he could pay off his debts and not leave his 19 yr old daughter with any financial trouble *insert tears*, well he did it...He played Keno and won $100,000...My momma was so happy for him but she said "I was heartbroken inside when he told me because that means he's going to die"...So after he paid taxes he walked away with $70,000 and paid his debts clean.

Terry had one wish to fulfill this weekend before this disease completely took over and that was to go to a local fair and watch an annual rodeo that DD runs in every year. He has grown up around this town and has never missed one yet. It would be his last time to see her run and he and my momma and their friends had it planned out that they were getting a wheelchair from another friend and they would wheel him up there. Well when Hospice came out on Friday they decided that they would just get him a wheelchair so they left and returned with it and Terry was in the chair with his roommate and roommates wife along with the Hospice RN and he went to adjust his position in the chair and Mike (the roommate) heard a terrible pop then Terry was in TERRIBLE pain so the RN immediately called 911...He broke that hip, the one the cancer killed. WHY?! I don't get why he couldn't have had just one last thing to make him smile....So Terry lies right now in a hospital bed waiting for Monday morning for his Oncologist to decide if he should have surgery and have a pin put in or not. Apparently the Dr told him at his appt last week that if they operated the cancer *could* spread. Which is true but the other choice would be to be bed ridden until he dies, so what is the lesser of two evils?!

My sweet J came up with an idea for DD to paint TT in a heart on her horse for the rodeo Saturday night as a tribute to Terry and we would of course record it and take it to show him. DD was thrilled with this idea but was having a case of nerves Saturday morning and started saying maybe she didn't want to run because Krissy had been off so long and they'd only been practicing for 4 days. I said to her that it was her choice but if she didn't she wouldn't be able to pay that tribute to Terry so she said YES she wanted to do it!

*And yes my artistry skills leave alot to be desired!!

So Saturday night we headed out for the rodeo with awesome friends and family to support her (my momma stayed with Terry) and my Hubby said she was a ball of nerves before her run. See last year at this rodeo was the one where she did the 360 spins off Pete and crashed into barrel 2 with her back and head. BUT she has been back there to a fun show on Krissy and did really well...So anyhow the Hubby says she was grunting and making all sorts of noises trying to get her nerves out LOL! But she came in shining like a star and ran that pattern! It wasn't a perfect run but it was clean and my family and friends were hollering for her, it literally brought tears to my eyes...I was SO very proud of her and she was proud too...I took a picture of her and Krissy before the run and sent it to my momma who showed it to Terry and he just loved it!

So now we wait, wait and see what the Dr will say. And we pray, pray alot...

DD's Tribute run

Does It Ever Really End?

I wish I was writing to say that I have had a fabulous weekend but I'm not...This has been the strangest most emotionally challenging weekends for me maybe ever. Most of you know that my dad passed away 5 years ago this coming October. I posted a memorial post for him on the 4 year anniversary of his death and told you all about him.

My brother and I a couple of years ago...

But what I did not tell you was about his wife...My mom and dad were married when I was born, but divorced when I was 1 year old. I lived with my mom until I was a teenager then I left and went to my dad's. My whole life my dad stayed single, his whole life revolved around myself and my brother. After I had J he met a woman and married her when I was 17. After they were married and she moved in we had some issues, she did not like the fact that dad was so close to us kids and me especially. So one night she had been drinking and got mad at me cause J (who was 1 1/2 at the time) was watching TV at 10 pm, big deal I said! So she proceeded to bust my door in then came after me trying to attack me. My dad quickly ran and dragged her out into the hall where she tried to reach around him to hit me and he held her back. Ultimately she kicked J and I out that night and we went and stayed with a friend. The next day I came back and the house was destroyed, my dad informed me that she would never come at me again as she has been warned. He was right she never did try again and she seemed to try hard to like me. I left home shortly after that as it was not good for us to be in the same house, for me it was my house and for her I was an intrusion.

I should mention that the house we lived in was paid for by my dad before he ever married her. But after being married to her and putting her through nursing school he mortgaged the house to pay for her student loans. After she graduated school my dad lost his job of 27 years over a mistake of taking off work to go help one of her kids that needed him and he did not clock out when he left. There was a transition going on in the company and no room for mistakes so he was terminated immediately. After that he had a rough time as that was all he had ever done and was devastated to be in that position. Things just got worse and worse to the point where his wife "C" wouldn't even give him money for anything...He was only allowed a gas card to get gas. He came to TX to see me a few times when we lived there and would come with no money as she wouldn't allow it and he would usually leave without even saying where he was going. This is why he had to tell me what was going on because he had no money for food or anything else. He was so ashamed and I was so heartbroken for the greatest guy on earth!

My daddy

So fast forward to his passing away, maybe someday I can share with you what happened to him. Actually I kind of think now I will never know. But after he passed away, about a month and half later his wife moved in his "best friend"!! Into my dad's house! This man was a chronic drug user and my dad always had a soft spot for him as they grew up together (that's why he was even in his life). But his wife C "felt sorry for Marty" and decided that she needed company anyhow...WHAT?! Pretty much shortly after that I wasn't speaking to her anymore. To be honest I was very bitter about the way she treated my dad after everything he had done to support her and now she was living in a house my dad paid for and with his best friend!!!!! I asked her numerous times to please let me have my dad's personal belongings such as photo albums from my child hood but she wouldn't respond. I sent her letter after letter, even certified and they were returned. She soon after that filed bankruptcy, with a debt of around $140,000 which was astounding considering the house was only mortgaged for $40,000 and she didn't get any new vehicles or anything! So after she filed I couldn't file a civil suit against her and I just left it alone.

I knew that in that house there were illegal things going on. There was covering over the garage door windows and I knew he was a drug user so I suspected she might have fallen into it as well. I have a family member across the street who would periodically tell us there were strange things going on over there and he tends to keep a watch out. So Saturday afternoon he called my granny's and spoke to my cousin who then called me to tell me that C had been arrested...They were told she was abusing prescription meds and drinking. So after many calls to the jail we finally found out she was being charged with Domestic Violence Battery and Domestic Violence Assault. So I messaged her daughter and asked what the heck was going on and she informed me that the relationship C had with Marty was out of control and he "beats her all the time" and well she tries to kick him out but he came back with his kid who is very badly behaved and she tried to get him to leave and he refused then something happened and she proceeded to chase the son around the yard and hit him on the back of the head. WOW, this did not surprise me as I have been that kid...However her daughter claimed that she was not taking the meds and drinking and found it very hard to believe her mom attacked that kid or me. I responded that I have a letter from her mom apologizing for that and that she felt like her actions ruined my dad's love for her. All of which she wrote me after his death. So needless to say last night I was MAD! I wanted vengeance on this woman and all of the hell she has caused for me and my brother and especially my dad! I of course did not say that to her daughter I just simply told her that what I said was true and I was glad she never harmed them.

So today (Sunday) early afternoon I get a message that says "well you will never have to worry about C again as she committed suicide last night"?! WHAT?!!! I was shocked! And saddened and angry that now I'll never get the truth about things. My heart breaks for her kids and grand kids, I'm at such a loss for words. After speaking with her son whom I have not spoken to in almost 5 years I learned that she knew the cops were coming to arrest her and so she proceeded to take a whole bottle of aspirin, he other son told the police but she lied and said it wasn't true so they sent her to the jail, she later complained of stomach pains and by the time they got the jail nurse down there she was asleep so they left her alone only to find out she died in her sleep. Again WOW...

Her son called me (which by way she told her kids that my brother and I were harassing her and breaking into the house stealing things...Only today did he finally think that just maybe she lied) because he says he believes that my brother and I should have everything of my dad's that we have been asking for and he also believes the house should go back to us. I told him I have a hard time taking his word as I have been waiting 5 years just to have simple pictures that we now know had been thrown away. Her son confirmed to us tonight that C had in fact been on numerous different drugs including crystal meth, crack, cocaine, heroine and something else...I am not good with drug names..Her daughter also messaged me again today and said "she lied to me last night when she said her mom was clean because she was trying to defend her but she had in fact found out last night that she was on meth". So I guess I am going to be hiring an attorney over the house thing. I'm thinking if she has this huge debt I won't be able to take the house but I'm not sure at this point where all of that stands. I am under the impression she had not been working either. I was informed tonight that the house is FULL of drug paraphernalia; needles, broken needles, syringes, spoons, coffee cans full of needles and such etc etc etc...Her son said he actually had to leave the house as it was about to make him throw up it is so bad. I am really upset by this, my dad took such care of his house and now I hear the whole thing is trashed!

Please pray for me...

Looking into the Lives of Other's

So I have thought a lot about writing this post and have finally decided that the truth is the truth and it should be heard, right?! I have always been the type of person that is very "in-touch" with the facts of life and I spend a lot of time looking at adversity's that others are facing as a baseline for how I live my life. Why am I writing about this, and why is this hard for me?...Well let me tell you what I have been watching...

4 months ago one of my life long Best Friend's husband was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer that has also invaded his liver and spleen. At that time he was basically told that he had little chance of survival. He chose to go to a University hospital and do treatments that could or could not help him. After enduring this for a short while he was rescanned and found that the tumors had not responded to the treatments at all. So he was given only one other option by the doctors - and that is surgery. The invasive surgery would involve the removal of his pancreas, spleen, and almost half of his liver. The survival rate for this extensive surgical procedure alone is barely 50%, providing that the surgery is a success, he would eventually need a liver transplant somewhere in the near future with chances of survival no better than the 50%. After hearing this news he did not feel like God was directing him towards that, rather he was directing him in a whole different way. The surgeon that he was seeing told him about a place called Eden Valley Institute in Colorado. This place is a facility that will concentrate on a proven nutritional plan along with supplementation and proven non-invasive therapies. They have researched this place extensively and have found that the survival rate is very high and so this is the route he is choosing to take. So now is the place where I should mention that my friend has been separated from this man for going on 2 years now. It has been very difficult for them both as they have a diabetic son together who requires a lot of special care...

Then another family we are friends with the dad was just diagnosed with Large B-Cell Lymphoma. I asked for prayers in this post here. The diagnosis that he got was not the worst news in the world but yet it is devastating to him I'm sure. Basically he will receive treatments for 18 weeks with an 80% survival rate and a chance of recurrence being the strongest in the first 2-3 years after treatment with a then survival rate of 50%...His family remains in good spirits and I believe God will pull them through all of this.

The last story I want to share with you is difficult to say the least...A family with a 13 year old boy that runs in the same rodeo association as DD had a tragic accident a week ago Saturday. The 13 year old boy took a friend to show him a hunting rifle that he had gotten and there was an accident with another gun that I believe they thought was unloaded and the 13 year old young boy was tragically killed. The moment that I found out it was him, I thought to myself I wished I hadn't ever heard "who" it was...We did not know this family really well but we have watched him rope many a times and I see his face in my head every day, and I think about how devastating this is for his family...

So now why am I telling you all of this sadness? Because I want share with you how I see life. I get SO upset with people who take their lives for granted or their children's lives for granted...Not to say that I myself don't need to be reminded at times because I do. I see my family as the greatest gift on earth!! I cannot imagine my life without them, and I honestly don't get people who cannot put their kids or families first!

For me, I admire anyone who has half the strength as these people and I hope and pray for them everyday...

So do we chose to give into the storms....



Or see the light shining through the clouds?!