Thursday, January 20, 2011

Just Gotta Go There...

Oh friends...I know I have been gone for a bit and I hate to come back with a post like this but I just gotta get this out before my blood pressure causes my brain to explode!!

First off we are all doing well here, just been busy with the kids' activities and all of my *other* obligations! DD has a rodeo this weekend and we are praying for fair weather! Last week there was so much snow on the ground that there was no practice time! So this week we are hitting it hard getting ready for the weekend and of course today it spat ice on us so we are in a bit of a freeze right now with snow coming over night... BOO!!! We were lucky to get the practice done RIGHT before the icy rain started! I just cannot wait for Spring to get here! I just need a pick me up and this Winter weather is doing nothing but kicking me down!

A few months ago I posted here about my dad's widow passing away. In that post I told you about my dad's passing 5 1/2 years ago and the troubles I had with his wife after he died and really truly the whole thing just broke me...I have not ever recovered from the blow of losing my dad at my young age of 27, I know lots of people have lost a parent much younger than I did and my heart breaks for them. I am so glad that I did have my 27 years to be with him but I miss him everyday and it is a constant heartache in my life. I have absolutely been difficult at times and massively depressed at times since losing him. I honestly haven't found much to comfort me and the situation with his wife just made that pain burn even worse and I became a person that I don't even recognize sometimes. I want to be loving and fun and carefree but I seem to just get lost in all of this and feel like I'm grasping at straws just to function partly to mostly normal ;)

Some of the things that I haven't been able to get over were feeling like she had something to do with his death...I don't know why I feel that, well yes I do know partly why I feel that. The morning that he died October 14, 2005 I was traveling with my family to TX to visit my Hubby's niece as she was getting ready to undergo surgery to remove a tumor near her brain and we of course wanted to be with her. So here we are driving in the car and I get that dreadful call that will never leave my mind and we turn around to head back to KS, we were a few hours away and I had a cousin who went to the hospital for me and I was requesting an autopsy because my dad was 50 yrs old and it was a sudden death with no warning signs, to me I just needed that bit of closure to know exactly what caused his death. I told my stepmother that I wanted the autopsy and she did not allow it and had him *processed* and at the funeral home by the time I made it back to the city. I was SO very angry, so hurt because this was my dad and this was something I wanted. Then when it came time to sit down with the funeral director we had to write his obituary and this was very hard for me, especially when my stepmother started telling them what "she" wanted written and the way it came to be printed was all of her kids and grandkids listed then my brother and I and our kids after all of them... What the heck?! Literally I had to search the thing just to find my name! He was my dad, not theirs! Her kids did not always treat my dad right and they were alot of my dads frustration in his last few years (they were married about 9 years). So then within hours of his death they (the kids) were just prancing around my dads house like they owned it, laughing and carrying on having a grand old time while I literally sat on the couch just sobbing and wanting them to leave!! Literally one of my stepbrothers girlfriends said to my stepmother "well looks like now you can finally take down that deer head that you've hated for so long"!! She just laughed like it was the funniest thing she'd ever said...I was shocked and very hurt, he hadn't even been buried yet! I will never understand the frame of mind they were in to be so rude and careless to me and my family. Then came the *dividing* of my dads things, my brother and I got a few small personal things but left the rest of his things out of respect for his wife that she may have the time to grieve and hold those things to give her comfort or whatever they could do to help her through that time. Then came the time for things starting to disappear and not a word was said about any of it. Then after a couple of months came the moving in of my dads childhood best friend (who had through his adult years turned into a real piece of garbage), after he moved in my stepmother would say "I'm just helping him, he had no where to stay"...Soon after that they were a *couple* DISGUSTING!!!

After that happened we quit speaking and I tried, then my brother tried to get back dads things. Things like our family pictures, that deer head that disappeared off the wall, his tools etc...Needless to say everything that belonged to my dad was gone. They had gotten rid of, sold, or stole what was left of his things. I'd begged in letters for the things and got no response, I finally threatened to file a civil suit against her for the stuff and lo-and-behold she filed bankruptcy ASAP. Thus preventing me from filing a suit against her.

After she died her son had contacted me and said he wanted to do the right thing and "give my brother and I what was rightfully ours, the house". Well I figured out soon enough that the other siblings were not on board with this and I talked to an attorney and he told me that I had no *legal* right to anything since my dad died first...So I then decided I would not sink any money into the place and fix it to sell because they couldn't be trusted to not stab me in the back!

Recently I got a phone call from an attorney that the house was in foreclosure and they wanted my address to send me the paperwork...Well I was quite confused because if I had no *rights* to anything why do I have to be drug into a foreclosure! So this bank was opening the house up for any of us kids to come remove anything we wanted on this certain date. I basically decided it was not healthy for me to get involved with this because I was sure there would be conflict and I wouldn't be able to control my hurt and anger so luckily I had a meeting that day and couldn't go. I was contacted by my stepsister saying she had a few things for my brother and I, not sure what it could be as there wasn't anything left of dads that we had seen. Then I find out that this stepsister and her husband are taking things out of the house and selling it on craigslist. I felt upset about that but just let it roll until today, I got a phone call that threw me right back into the whole situation and wanting to scream at all of them.

My aunt is a real estate agent and she called me today and let me know that my dads house is up on the market for sell! I was furious! And so confused, because I thought it was being foreclosed on?! So I messaged my stepsister and she informed me that her and her husband put it on the market and they have until March sometime to sell it or the bank will take possession and she is going to "try and talk her siblings into sharing the profits with my brother and I"...WHAT?! Share?! MY dad paid for the house!!! Yes it has a mortgage now because they got a loan to pay off HER student loans!!! They have the house listed for $25,000 more than what is owed and I am just peeved!! If they get one penny off that house I'm not sure what I will do! It's bad enough to have watched them torment my dad, then deal with his witch of a wife and then watch them take all of dads things and now THEY get a profit off of his house and they *might* give us something UGHH!!!!!!!

I have been so angry all night, my blood pressure is up, I'm dizzy, my head hurts and I just feel like I'm on the edge of a breakdown here! I know hate is a strong word but I hate them! I did message my stepsister back (by the way she and one of her brothers are not biological kids to my stepmother, she raised them from her ex-husbands first marriage) and posed the question to her "do you and your siblings honestly feel entitled to this house because I am SO confused"?!

I would also like to clarify that this stepsister and her husband I believe were the only kids that really truly loved my dad and they did treat him with respect, she even quit speaking to her mom for some years because of what she did after my dad had died. So she is not the one I am angry at...

I have such a hard time with all of this because I very much live my life with the feeling of I would never do something to someone that I know would hurt me so bad if it was done to me and their utter disregard for what's right and wrong in this situation is killing me!

Please pray for me, that I find it in my heart to let go and let God do it all for me. And just to have peace restored in my heart and closure would be an amazing gift..


  1. Having lived through the same type of situation, I can tell you the best thing is let it go....Nothing is worth risking your health for. It's just a house and things. Anything recovered at this point will be so saturated with with ill feelings, that all it's past value will be long gone. You have the best part of your father with you. You have his memories, his legacy and his love to carry with you. The others involved will have to carry the burden of what they have done for a very long time.
    When we choose to let negative feelings dictate how we think and feel it only hurts us more.. Instead try to carry with you the best memories and feelings that you have of your father and let the go away. You can't change their actions you can only change yours.
    My heart goes out to you, I lost my Father when I was 18 years old. I know how devistating it can be. Alost thirty years later it still hurts and I have still not recovered the pictures or personal belongings but I can tell you every time he sat and played cards with me or caught my horse up and helped me in the saddle. These are the things I want to remember, not what a b!*^h he was married to when he died! I don't even know what happened to her...and don't care!
    Wish I were closer I'd give you a hug.

  2. I am so sorry, girl. Why some people feel like they are entitled to what is not theirs, I will never know. Sadly so many people act like that. I agree, this may be something you just need to let go. It's a material possession, one that moth and dust will corrupt one day. Hold your memories in your heart, and know that you acted honorably regardless whether these other individuals did or not. God will honor you if you keep your heart and actions right, and these family "members" will get their own one day. Being dishonest always comes back to bite people in the rear. It may take years, but you reap what you sow! Hang in there, girl and TAKE CARE of yourself!!!

  3. BIG PRAYERS GOING OUT!!!!!!!!!!! I agree with Loafer Mountain Primitives. That is some good advice. It is so hard to realize that no matter how bad we hurt it doesn't hurt people who don't care and obviously don't have the LORD. Have you thought about some good christian counseling. Not just any but christian counseling. Maybe just to have a way to get it all out and process it. Hope things get better you have an amazing life and an amazing family that needs the best part of you, don't let those people take that from them:)

  4. Michelle...I am so sorry for the hurt, anger and pain you are feeling. I totally agree with LeAnna...for your honesty and honor you will be rewarded...they, along with ALL of us will have to answer for their actions one day. Remember that we do not war against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers of the dark world. Satan uses anyone he can, family, friends, etc to war against us and he has used these folks in a big way...he knows how hurtful it would/will be for you. Rise above it all with the Joy of the Lord. You CAN DO ALL things thru Christ who gives you strength. I'm praying for you...and for them. Take care.

  5. I am so sorry for all you are going through and I will pray for you.... ((((HUGS)))))

  6. I am just so sorry for this mess.

    These kind of situations really tend to bring out the selfish people, and it's hard enough already with the loss of someone good and loved.

    Praying for peace and closure for you. At least YOU know that you and your dad had a special relationship and no one can take or sell that from you.

  7. I feel so sorry for you, but I do also agree with LeAnn. I think you would be better off to just forget about the past and look at the blessings you have today. Prayers for sure for you and your family.

  8. So many good comments. Prayers for you to find peace in all this. Those above me are correct, you have the best part of your father with you, his memories and love. No one can ever take that from you.

  9. I can so relate to what you are going through, although mine is a little backwards of yours. My step-father's estate is not yet settled. It's been 2-1/2 years. My mother was with my SD for 35 years. She personally took care of him throughout his invalid years. He had nothing to do with any of his own children. They had nothing to do with him. I don't remember seeing any of them more than a handful of time in those 35 years, except the 'adopted' son who lived in the same town. He couldn't be bothered to visit either, although my SD did like him.

    Within hours after my SD's death, his 'family' was at my mother's door demanding their 'fair' share of EVERYTHING. The last 2-1/2 years has been hell on my mother and I often feel an inexplicable rage against my SD and his family. How dare he not make sure everything was taken care of before he died (it's not like it was a sudden death like your father's). How dare they act the way they do. How dare they act like my mother has no rights. How can they possibly feel justified demanding ANYTHING that my SD and mother had.

    But ya know what? Ultimately, I have realized that, that is the kind of people they are and they will never be any different. My mother's life moves on. Our lives move on. We are the ones with fond memories of my SD. We are the ones who got to share his life and know who he was as a person and as a dad. Not them. We got the best of him and all they will ever end up with is a few material things and a few acres of land. I'm pretty sure that will never fill the void they have in their souls. a bit of a side note...if your father passed without a will, you were entitled to a portion of his estate. Even though the step-mother has passed away. Save the CL ads and have an attorney contact her heirs. I'm pretty sure they could be convinced to return any remaining personal items of your father's that remains in their possession...or the $$ those items sold for. Sounds like these kids realize that you and your brother are legally entitled to something. It doesn't sound like your father's estate was handled properly at all. You might be surprised what these people will willingly hand over at the thought of a little legal skirmish!

    Hugs to ya kiddo and remember to look at your family and realize how lucky you still are!!!

  10. Can I just say that I have the greatest Bloggy friends ever~!!! You guys really helped me put some things into perspective and I feel so much better about that! It will continue to be a battle for me but I will overcome this!

  11. Oh my. I am so sorry for all that you have been through, and continue to have to deal with. It seems that bad people trample good kind people to often.Know this my broken hearted friend..karma Will come around I promise you. It may seem unending, and harsh now, but you are strong & you are right when you say you have the greatest blog friends. Similar people come together to help one another or just be here for you.Prayers sent your way. Mean people are never happy, so they take from good kind people.