Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Feels Like I'm Forever Saying Goodbye...

First off I just want to thank you all for such caring words on my last post! I have not had any more episodes as bad as that one was, just my *normal* increased heart rate and occasional palpitations. My shakiness has been back to normal, no more violent shaking like I had last week. I do intend on going in to the Dr to get a full work up physical done. I realized that I am also having hot flashes ALOT! Now I am way to young for any meno*crap* so I'm not really sure what to think of this, other than maybe high blood pressure causing it?!

WARNING~ Long, tear stained post....

I recently shard with you about my dear friend Terry and well I come with sad news to say that Terry is no longer with us...He passed away this past Friday night. It really is an amazing story that I of course must share, I'd better go grab me some tissues...

Last Thursday we got word from the Dr's that Terry's body was starting to shut down so to expect him to pass before the weekend was over. Friday night of course we had Friday Night Football and it was the Fall Homecoming game and J was stoked! My momma obviously didn't come to the game as she has literally spent almost all of her time outside of work with Terry. So as I got ready to head out for the game Friday night I knew I needed to stock tissues in my purse as I just felt this was going to be the time. I was sitting up in the bleachers watching the team get ready and I got a text from my momma that Terry's oxygen level was down to 44%, I instantly teared up but pushed through just praying for him and watching the team prepare.

The opposing team won the coin toss and chose to receive 2nd half so they started the game kicking the ball to our team. J is always out during the kickoff but is usually blocking as a senior boy is usually the one who catches and runs it. But this night as I watched the ball fly through the air I realized it was heading straight for J and I kind of panicked! My first thought was being worried for him running with that many kids trying to get him down LOL! Not that he doesn't get tackled in other plays but this seems especially harder with them already running full throttle! Then my next thought was OH get the camera up to shoot! So down comes the ball and YES he catches it~!! I got my camera up and started shooting! He caught the ball at the 20 yard line and started running, he almost got tackled but another player did a nice block and J cut back and shot through the gap and took off! He was running SO fast and the crowd was roaring; screaming for him! I was screaming, my MIL and FIL and SIL were all around me screaming (Hubby works the chain gang so he's right down on the side line)! And a kid dives for J but he manages to shake his fingers from his shoulders and keeps running! He ran and ran all the way to the 7 yd line!!! Then he was tackled right at his ankles, barely got him! He almost made a touchdown, but I was jumping up and down screaming and SO excited that my boy just ran that! And it was strange as I was shooting the pictures when he was running past where I was sitting the sun was so bright coming through my viewfinder that I had to put my camera down, then at some point I picked it back up and snapped a shot right after he got back up with the ball. I had tears welling up in my eyes and knew I had to text my momma right away and tell her but I knew in the instant that I had the feeling to send her the message that she would tell me back that Terry was gone...So I sent her the message and she text me back "That is awesome! Sis, Terry just passed, his pain is over"....OH the sadness that hit my heart was like a 2 ton brick...I just broke down in tears, my SIL put her arms around me and covered my face for me and I just cried. I knew in that instant that God was giving me some kind of gift with that run and the light coming through. It was the strangest thing ever! I text my momma back and told her that it seemed Terry had passed at the same time J was making his run, in true Terry style. My momma agreed that it was a gift indeed.

When I got home and went through the pictures I got to the set when he was in front of me and J was literally barely visible through the light that filled the picture, it was blinding. I enhanced the picture so it's more saturated now and J is viewable.

After the tackle!

Saturday night my momma and her friends and I all got together to have some wine and share memories of Terry. Just kind of a grieving time for us all to be together. I went early with my momma and we had dinner and did some shopping and then went to our friend's house. During our time of talking about everything I found out the exact details of Terry's passing which truly left me amazed...

My momma had sent me that message that his oxygen was so low and his breathing became very violent and so sad to watch so her and Terry's daughter and his ex-wife (whom he was still great friends with) all took their turns telling Terry that it was okay to leave now, they wanted him to be free from the pain and they would be okay. His daughter who is 19 yrs old struggled so hard to say those words to her daddy but she did it for him. The nurse was in the room checking his vitals right after his daughter said her goodbye's and he flatlined, the nurse said "that's it, he is gone" then they all started sobbing hysterically and within a minute or so Terry very suddenly gasped for breath and his heart started again...The nurse was SHOCKED, she said she had never seen anything like that, but his breathing was very hard and difficult for him so they knew that he had fought his way back because they were so sad. So they then all took their turns again telling him it was going to be okay, they did not want him hurting anymore and to go meet Jesus, this went on for 10 minutes and he left again for the last time...

At that precise time my J was running the ball and that bright light blinded me, one of our other friends was driving to the hospital to be with Terry and she was blinded by this strangest light, just like I was. She described it to me as I was describing it to her and we both were at a loss and just new it was beautiful and blinding. All of this time that Terry has been sick he and I both believed that he would be healed. When he got the diagnosis back in May of the metastatic disease he told me "this will not kill me, I will beat it". I was so upset and sad that he was not cured, that he was no longer with us! I wanted him healed!!! 

It was told to my momma by the nurse at the hospital that our body does what they call "modeling" when it is shutting down. Which explained his hands being purple Friday morning, see *modeling* is when the heart shuts off blood flow to the "non-important" areas of the body to protect the main organs while your body is shutting down. Even your brain, the last to go is the heart which explains why you seek God with your heart and not your brain because the heart is the strongest. One of our friends said she too was so upset because she too believed he was going to be healed and then another one of our friends said that's what we're missing. God didn't lead us astray in our thinking, he told us Terry would be healed but we just assumed it was healed HERE with us...But it wasn't that way, he was healed through Jesus in Heaven...WOW that was an eye opener!! So while we grieve the loss of our friend we are most thankful that he is HEALED and no longer feels the pain.

Terry a wonderful friend who will always be missed...

Today we buried our friend and he will be terribly missed! It was so funny to hear how many different people said one of their favorite things about Terry was his hugs! We all thought that but didn't know the other thought that LOL! He was a gentle giant, one of a kind that's for sure...


  1. Sometimes lifes lessons hurt.
    Remember the positives and let go of the negatives.... He's in a better place!
    Hugs Tisha

  2. Sorry you lost a good friend hun, I have been there several times. It feels like crap now, but time and prayer will help heal your heart. ((HUGS))

  3. Just amazing. Only God can work those things to help bring comfort to our hearts when we lose a loved one.

    So sorry for you loss, but glad he is with Jesus and pain-free!

  4. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your good friend. He sounded amazing!

  5. Sending you a Hug Michelle...what an amazing story of God's works. Praise God he is rejoicing in heaven where there are NO TEARS and NO PAIN! Take care.

  6. Hugs from here. Just amazing about the light. Heaven was opening up to welcome him in!

  7. A wonderful story you'll always remember, and so will J. That was a great game for him. always remember your friend Terry and the fun times you all had. So sorry for your loss.

  8. Prayers and Hugs for you! So sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend.
    God will help you get through this and Terry is living in a better place with no more pain.
    What a great story and I know how hard it must have been for you to post it. Thanks however.

  9. So sorry for the loss of your friend. I like it that you are able to see the light and the lessons from the symbols of his life and death.

  10. Sorry about your loss. Praying for you.